What Twilight Has Taught Me

I know the books are, like, SO much better, but like, my brain couldn't take that masterpiece so I watched the movies once instead (which is embarrassing enough to admit to, but I do it for my cousin who lets me make comments while we watch).

• Conversation skills, particularly diction and finishing sentences, are not important to the hot guys at school. Don't ever, ever, enrich yourselves with these talents.
• If a guy is moody and sort of rude, he's totally in to you.
• It's super sweet when a guy sneaks into your room at night uninvited and watches you sleep.
• Breakups will, in fact, ruin your life forever. Whatever you do, don't let them happen (especially if your boyfriend is obsessive and possessive).
• If your boyfriend tells you to stay away from him because he might hurt you, he actually means stalk him. 
• Apparently menstruating around a hungry vampire isn't dangerous.
• The only important thing in life is to pursue a hot guy you have to completely change your entire being for. Independent hobbies, hopes, and dreams are for suckers!
• Your wedding day, although perfect, isn't really good enough to smile for.
• Vampires from Alaska are transvestites.
• Girls love it rough abusive. They WANT the bruises! It's hot!
• There is absolutely nothing wrong with being best friends with your ultra jealous ex-lover after you're married. In fact, he and your husband, although mortal enemies, will probably become BFF!
• 106 years of experience and a guy will still pick a high-schooler to obsess over. Not creepy!
• It's even cool to romantically fall in love with an infant, just call it "imprinting"!

Phew! That is why I'm still single! I've been doing to wrong this whole time! Now, off to find my own sparkly stalker to show my lack of personality to!'

peace,
k.