My Abusive Relationship With Celebrity Gossip

The day so far went a little something like this.

I woke up about 2:30am in the inferno that is my upstairs bedroom. I opened the window to let the luke warm musty summer air from outside intermingle with the humid death air from inside. I hoped that if they liked each other enough they'd decide to move in together and eventually, due to summer musty's incompetence with birth control, they'd make a freezing little love child named air conditioning.

Unfortunately my wish did not come to pass.

I did something sort of close to sleep, but not unlike melting, for the next 6 hours until I officially got up to finish my final paper for my english class which ends today. I finished, and because it's always an extremely satisfying feeling to be done with a class, I rewarded myself with a little news site perusing. One headline that seemed to be on all the sites was something about "Doug Hutchison married 16 Year-Old Girlfriend".

Now, I'm not one for celebrity gossip, but I'm always appalled at myself for how much gossip I know. I don't find enjoyment in stalking famous people, and yet I seem to unknowingly do a lot of stalking. I never buy entertainment magazines or watch entertainment television but I can still easily tell you most recent gossip stories. The most disgusting part is, I'm actually terrible with most pop-culture! I don't know who a lot of famous people are or why they're famous, but it doesn't stop me from knowing intimate details about their history with eating disorders. It's one thing to admire an artist and learn about their fascinating life, it's another to have no idea who a person is and still commonly know their life story. Is it because the celebrity phenomena is like a train wreck and you can't look away? Or possibly I'm simply another shallow American with a sad and boring life so I must find others to revel in? Either way, I deserve to be shot.

Anyway, of course I was intrigued by this headline (damn you, journalists) and read the story. Although I don't know who Doug Hutchison is, I know he's 51 and he married a 16 year old in Vegas. My initial gag reflex was normal, but part of me found it MAYBE justifiable. I don't think age should be giant factor when one is in love, but then again, to maritally love a teenage anything is stupid. Our brains are in a constant state of change in our teen and young adult years and we can't have a solid idea of who we are until this growth is complete. To marry someone that young is just asking for trouble, but WHAT IF she really was this remarkable women. What if it really is true love?

Then I found this video of Doug's "16 year old" bride...

...

...

...let it sink in...

...

...so... this is a joke, right? I mean don't get me wrong, more power to ending cyber bullying and all, but... really? This video makes me want to cyber bully kittens and baby penguins. I REALLY want to give people the benefit of the doubt and I'm all about the peace, love, and harmony thing but I kind of hate my life when I see this. How does she exist? How is she getting married?! How has someone not sat her down and very sternly told her to look at what she's doing to actual 16 year olds? How did she miss all the social cues in childhood that prevent people from becoming like this? I'm at a loss. I guess it goes to show that no matter how horrible someone is, as long as your a hot chick it doesn't matter. Way to go, America.

I also found this very well produced music video by her.

I miss Rebecca Black.


Peace,
k.