Most of you probably saw the event inviting Latter-Day Saint women to wear pants to church last month. I had watched in mild fascination as the expected attendees grew from around 100 to thousands in a matter of days. My intrigue turned to surprise as a viral eruption, almost in unison, took to Facebook walls to scream opinions for or against it. No matter what my personal stance was, it saddened me to see the essence of the movement completely forgotten by the deafeningly angry and dangerously apathetic who dominated the conversations. Could they even be called conversations? Howls for agreement, perhaps, but not conversations. Sometimes I think we've forgotten how to really listen to one another.
The most alarming rhetoric I saw, which I have yet to shake a few weeks later, is the misuse of the term FEMINIST. Unfortunately feminism is ignorantly used as a negative term in mainstream LDS culture. I grew up hating feminists and avoided any commonality with them. I assumed, as I had been taught, they all hated men, bras, shaving, and motherhood; things I happened to passionately approve of. I even took it so far as to voice my opposition in a high school essay about the women's rights movements because "they sort of ruined it for us in the chivalry department". It wasn't until I became an adult, traveled the world, went to college, and dated a string of passionately conservative men that I became aware of the vast world that encompasses feminism, and just how profoundly wrong and close-minded my views were. You can imagine my confusion and surprise when I realized, and finally accepted, I am a feminist.
Although feminism covers an enormous range of opinions, movements, and viewpoints, the common root of feminism lies in political, social, and economic equality of the sexes. If you believe men and women should both have opportunity to: be paid the same for the same work, hold the same positions in government, have their own car and house payments, or pursue an excellent education, I hate to break it to you but... you're a feminist. Do you support the end of human trafficking? Feminist. Do you support the end of gender-biased infanticide? Feminist. Do you support Malala Yousafzai? Feminist. Do you find rape inexcusable and deplorable under all circumstances? Feminist. Not all feminists believe in the same things, but political, social, and economic equality IS the core of typical feminist beliefs. The man-hating stereotype is atypical, and something I personally can't believe in and still call myself a feminist.
My views on equality are fluid and ever changing. Although I passionately support political, social, and economic equality across the globe, men and women are different and will NEVER be fully "equal" because of our biology. In fact, I think it's rather silly to try to obtain perfect equality of the sexes. I welcome and celebrate our differences! However, over time we've compartmentalized our differences into gender roles that do not always reflect the nature (or biology) of the individual. For now, until my mind is expanded otherwise, I support defined "roles" within a relationship (ie. breadwinner, caregiver, spider-killer, etc) because it gives people a sense of responsibility and purpose, BUT, I adamantly disagree they should be confined by gender (or to one person within the relationship for that matter).
Gender roles are a very black and white area in the culture of the Latter-day Saints. We often cling to what is culturally expected of our sex to find worth, rather than develop our personal talents as an individual to find our worth in God. For example, I should never feel ashamed that I'm adventurous, independent, or intellectually curious, even though I'm sometimes encouraged otherwise by the LDS mainstream. These are cherished traits that have enriched my personal relationship with my Heavenly Parents and shouldn't be judged as unfeminine because I'm 24 and still single (gasp!). Nor should men feel embarrassed to embrace the traditionally female roles like cooking, crafting, and child raising if they find happiness and growth in these activities. Imagine the possibilities of each unique human being if they embraced all the things they were good at regardless of gender role acceptability! My first guess is spouses wouldn't feel quite as alone or overwhelmed in their marriages.
But let's get back to the pants. It's OK if you didn't support that particular movement, just don't bag on all feminists because chances are you women probably enjoy your right to vote, own land, have birth control, and wear pants to BYU (all brought to you by the feminist movements most people didn't support at first). It's easy to forget who fought for our freedoms when the freedom becomes common-- but to vilify the heroes because of weird politics? Unacceptable and ignorant. Ladies and gentlemen, feminists gave you a voice for positive change and reason. Don't ruin it because you're scared of the word! Be happy you're part of something that has done, and is currently doing, so much good in the world!
(((FEMINIST HUGS ALL AROUND!)))
Are you still convinced you're not a feminist? In my last effort, I encourage you to watch the documentary Half the Sky (available on Netflix). If you can then come back and tell me you don't support what you saw, I'll personally take you to dinner so I can better understand how that's even possible.
And... welp... if you've read this far, thank you for humoring my opinionated novel of a post. As a reward to you, I close with the words of feminist Ryan Gosling meme (you're welcome):
peace,
k.
Very insightful. Feminism is such an umbrella term -- there are so many versions and interpretations. I think you tackled it well.
ReplyDeleteMy form of rebellion in high school was saying I was a feminist. I loved telling my YW leaders and seminary teachers that I MIGHT get married and I MIGHT have kids. I thought that having a career was the only true freedom then. I saw men as opposition. They wanted to keep us down, they objectified us. Even though I had all these equal rights as an American woman of the 21st Century, I still always felt slighted and like I had to play defense all the time.
I think I may have missed the point.
I've learned so much since then. I've certainly evolved (except if you bring up beauty pageants -- that's always brings out the stereotypical angry feminist out in me). I don't think I understood that as a woman, our femininity, our tendencies, our natures are an asset, not a stumbling block in the world. The sexes don't need to compete.
I think that's reason the whole pants thing bothered so many people -- it seemed so confrontational. I just thought it was stupid. I get that those women were trying to maybe make a bigger point, but when we've got girls and women in the world being trafficked as sex slaves, when girls like Malala are shot in the head for wanting an education, when women and girls are mutilated and raped without consequence, when baby girls are routinely aborted only because they're girls, THAT's the "war on women". That's the cause I'm going to take up, because, as President Hinckley said, "When you save a girl, you save generations." And as a mother to two boys, I think I'm making one of the best contributions to the cause because I'm determined to raise boys into men that respect women.
Sorry for the super long comment. I just think you're awesome for bringing all this up.
Your comment is great, Heather! Thank you! I agree with and respect your viewpoint, especially the bit about raising boys to respect women! I have no doubt it my mind your boys are going to be wonderful men one day!
DeleteI appreciate this post so much, Katie. I think it's sad that the term "feminist" holds so much negative stigma. I was taught the same thing growing up...my mother told me that feminists wanted all women to be drafted and to become CEOs instead of having children and that they were vying for unisex bathrooms because they didn't believe there were any differences between men and women. I remember being so horrified at the idea of having to use the bathroom with boys, I thought feminism sounded like the worst idea ever. :)
ReplyDeleteToday, I'm a feminist because although we are very privileged both in the country and socioeconomic status we reside in, we still live in a misogynistic society. Our cultural morays are still toxic, degrading, and demeaning to women. I also believe that patriarchy is harmful to both men AND women and impedes them from authenticity and self-growth by implicit coercion and shaming them into staying in the "boxes" provided for them. I believe that although men and women are obviously different, there is as much variation AMONG the sexes as BETWEEN them, and that's something we should be navigating as individuals. I love, love, love this line of yours: "Imagine the possibilities of each unique human being if they embraced all the things they were good at regardless of gender role acceptability! My first guess is spouses wouldn't feel quite as alone or overwhelmed..." Yes, yes, yes. I've felt that restriction and it made me so lost. Once I had some freedom to move within a healthy relationship, I have so much more joy and love for myself and my life. I wish that for everyone. Thanks so much for these insights!!!
Thank you for your input here and on the comment thread on FB. I feel empowered that we see things similarly. It also makes me happy that you understood the essence of what I was trying to say about gender roles (I think a lot of people might have missed the mark). Things simply aren't black and white in gender. Every human is an enormous prism of color capable of the most wonderful and unique talents!
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