A Prologue to Iceland

After 6 months of background checks, paperwork, and awaiting permits, I'm officially less than one week away from my departure to Iceland. Next Sunday at approximately 4:00pm I'll board a direct flight from Denver to fly approximately 3500 miles to live in a town I can't yet approximately pronounce and work as an au pair for two sweet girls approximately aged six and nine.

This is the most excited I've been in my life... approximately.

When I mention I'm moving to Iceland, people's first surprised reaction is “why Iceland?” to which I usually jest back “why not Iceland?”. Though that is an honest response, my choice in going to Iceland is slated in much deeper desires and emotions.

During the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, photography found its way into my life to stay; breathing new light, color, and compositions into my everyday and uncovering and amplifying my innate drive and need to observe, interpret, and create. Because it was summer (and I wasn't too interested in photography classes anyway) I turned to online forums and cyber mentors. A few photographers who inspired me early on who were from Iceland, and their worked sparked my interest and fascination with the country and culture. Around this same time, a friend of mine introduced me to the otherworldly Icelandic band Sigur Ros, who sound as if they infuse the very soul of Iceland into their music. It seems stupid and immaturely romanticized that my interest in Iceland came from a couple of photographers I never met and a band with really beautiful music I only assume inspirations for, but nonetheless it's these things that initially kindled the fire that kept Iceland as one of the top three places I've wanted to visit (the Galapagos Islands and New Zealand are the others, respectively).

Whatever draws me to Iceland, it was a pull I shared with my brother Alex who also dreamed of going one day, though he died before he could make the trip. Writing this prologue to my adventure without including the intricate influence Alex's life and death had on my growth over the last year would be impossible. Simply put, I wouldn't be going, not right now and not like this, if it weren't for him. There is not a more accurate description for this trip than a pilgrimage. Not only for Alex directly, but in honor of the risks that are required to live a full life. At Alex's memorial service, my dad talked about living a life of risk. Not the irresponsible risk of literally jumping out of an airplane without a parachute, but something similar in a metaphorical way-- the risk of sacrificing your comfort or normalcy for experiencing something completely new and unknown. Though I had many au pair opportunities offered to me around the world, I chose Iceland in the end not only as a tribute to Alex but also because I knew it would be something unlike anything I had ever experienced before. It would undoubtedly be a new adventure.

And what of this whole au pair thing? When people learn I'm leaving my photography career to become an au pair, I get this special look of confusion and suspicion. I can almost see their thought process written verbally across their faces like ticker tape. They first think why would anyone do that at my age. I seem so successful at wedding photography, after all, why leave a good thing? Then they start suspecting my photography career must not be going that well if I'm leaving it to become a glorified nanny. Perhaps I'm quitting because I couldn't quite make it? Ah, their faces say, that makes sense. Then a wave of sympathy moves its way down their faces...

OK, it might not be that dramatic, but it's close. Although I never intend to return to a full-time wedding photographer career (though part-time seems lovely!), I assure you my decision to become an au pair in particular was calculated and extremely well thought out. I've enjoyed photographing weddings over the last few years, but weddings were not what made me fall in love with photography, and artistically I started feeling stagnant and unoriginal. It was as if I were trudging along some enormous creative plateau for a couple of years, and even though I was being applauded for my work, I grew frustrated with myself for not progressing. It wasn't until I documented the last months of Alex's life that I fell back in love with what inspired me not only in photography, but in life and relationships as a whole. I was given great drive to live a life I wanted, cherish people I loved, and not waste one more second on anything unnecessarily uninspiring. This rediscovered inspiration was only amplified after I was involved in a car accident that was nothing less than a second chance. I couldn't help but feel everything in my life was screaming at me to pursue a well lived life. And so I went to work.

Because I have no debt, boyfriend, pressing school matters, or other responsibilities to consider, I knew I wanted to live abroad and do meaningful work. It just so happens that being an au pair fits the bill perfectly! Who knows if I'll ever be blessed with a family and children of my own one day, so why not fill my time by being a positive influence on another's child? Nothing is more important that helping young ones learn who they are while encouraging their unique talents. I will always make more money and gain more prestige from peers by being a wedding photographer, but surely my soul will be more nourished hanging out with kids who don't yet care about money or prestige. There is that great innocence in children who haven't been downtrodden by the world ruining their imaginations. What could be better for a creatively-starved artist than an environment full of uninhibited ideas and emotion and the ever pressing issue of right and wrong? I understand child care is not for the faint of heart, but that only must be because it stretches your heart into realms you never knew existed. I welcome the challenge.

I, of course, also plan on photographing the living crap out of Iceland. I want to throw everything I used to do with photography out the window and wipe the slate clean of my old practices. I hope to grow in ways I wouldn't have even thought about when my livelihood and portfolio were on the line. I have no particular expectations for myself artistically, only the goal to be happy with the direction I'm going.

And that brings me to right now... less than a week and about 5 million last minute errands until my departure into the great unknown. I can do it!

(To read more about my Icelandic adventures, please read my blog dedicated to just that: www.ayearinfireandice.com)